Is over protective parenting hampering your child??

Gone are the days when parenting used to be just about giving education and food for kids. Today we as parents want the best of the education, healthy food, best activities and best of bla bla bla..

 In return we are ending up cribbing, OMG my child is doing this, OMG my child didn’t do that, OMG bla bla bla etc, etc and finally becoming as I term it OMG Parents! or more popularly known as highly sensitive parents.

 I remember my elder sister telling me to cover knees and legs of my toddler when she started crawling and I use to keep telling her, “stop kijiye, usey naturally grow hone dijiye, chot lagegi tabhi jaldi sikhegi”. Though my eye was always observing what she wants to do, pick , throw or eat.

I personally thank my parents for making me an independent individual because the biggest thing that they gave me apart from the necessary things is freedom to think, speak and act. 

Every parent is concerned about their kid however over shadowing them all the time hinders their growth mentally, which in turn effects their thinking and decision making abilities.

 Personally I believe that let them be independent, at an early stage. Let them start thinking and take decisions for themselves.

 Mere presence of parents for them is the assurance as well as protection that they need from parents. Falling and getting little bruises is a part of growing, learning and creating memories.

Recently I met a friend of mine in a park who was talking to me but at the same time constantly keeping a check on her 7 year old kid. I mean, she was continuously instructing her kid not to play in sand, not to get dirty, not to get hurt, don’t go here and there.. I mean too many No’s and absolutely no encouragement.. Is it right? Isn’t she as a parent hampering the confidence of her child? I’m no ways saying that  we should not say ‘No’ to our kids or she is not a good mother . However there is a different article all together on  ” Saying ‘No’ to your kids in the right manner”.

Once we are a mother the most precious thing to us is our child, I too panic  when situation calls for but there are many parents who want to protect their kid when there is no harm around. Just a food for thought. Why can’t we say,”it’s OK dear, you do whatever you want to do, I’m there for you”.

 Another incidence was when I was packing my stuff for visiting my in laws, when my domestic help said, “pack this jam for Vaidehi, she might not eat without this. I told her I don’t want to make her so fussy that for couple of days she can’t adjust. “ Insaan ka bacha hai ,bhuk lagegi toh khud mangegi ”.

 Another thing that I haven’t done is comparing my child to any other. Every child is different with different interest and grasping power. I don’t even ask her class teacher what is the rank of my child in class? All I’m satisfied, if  she does her homework in time and writes in her answer scripts. I seriously don’t want her to be part of this rat race since her childhood. I want her to be happy. I was telling my friend Kamna, “ kyon itna mar mar kar padana hai aur uski aur apni expectations badate rehna hai, let her enjoy her childhood”.

 I’m sure many of the readers may not agree with me but I feel the best way for them to learn is,let them free….

Recipe to Mother- in-law’s heart…

So for the beautiful daughter-in-law who have just attained this bliss..I’m trying to make your life easier by writing this post.. and for those ,for whom damage is already done, can still try these tips at their own risk as damage control… So my, ” pravachan” (Lecture) starts like this… ” Ek lambi saan le…..” ( Take a deep breathe).

This is not a battle field.. Score(0-0)

Rule 1.  Believe you me, a warm hug to your MIL can do wonders.( I know few reader would be feeling I have lost it!)  Well I hug my MIL to reassure her, that I care for her, respect her and I do love her.

We generally fail to put our self in her shoes. A mother-in-law is more likely to respect boundaries if she is reassured that she is respected and important part of the family.

Rule 2.Easier said than done, still try it out, “Don’t take offense at little things that aren’t meant personally,” Most of the times daughters-in-law get sensitive at anything their mothers-in-law say.” (Per main toh sunti hi nahi hoon.. acha na lagne ki toh baath hi nahi hai.. ha ha ).

Rule 3. If your mother-in-law expresses a view that differs from yours, you don’t have to get surprised about it, you can show respect for someone else’s experience and try and not show your confrontational stand too quickly. “Apne room mein you can turn your MIL’s spoil child blue black… I means that ok.. score (1-10 ).

Rule 4. Don’t fall in the trap  of those lines,” bahu nahi beti hai hamari yeh..”. 

“Don’t expect your mother-in-law to care as much about your career and your likes/dislikes as she does about her son’s,”She is his mother, and her son will always come first to her”.

Rule 5. This one is the story twister, In fact a sign of binding you in a stronger relationship, when you tell your MIL that you want to take her out for shopping. Women love gifts.. It’s an easier way to her heart. I love giving my MIL small surprise gifts, taking her for shopping, making her pamper herself in a par lour. Try it out it really works.

And “purey fasadh ki jaadh kitchen” … Learn those special recipes from her . It makes her feel like an authority on you,your mentor.. 

But believe me at this stage they look for love, respect and assurance from us….. Enjoy peace.. And remember one day you are going to be in the same shoe.. I guess a more tech savvy deadlier one.. Ha ha ha…

I love my mother-in-law… yes you heard it right..

This is how it begins: Your guy pops the question. Will you marry me?  He tells you that his family is just going to love you, especially his mom. You’re the daughter she never had. You assume that means she’s going to be super supportive of all your choices, will offer help when you ask for it, but otherwise, stay out of your life and marriage. How perfect!

Meanwhile, his mom has a fantasy of her own. She assumes that since you’re so crazy about her son, you see her as an authority on marriage and children—and her son. Of course you’ll want lots of advice from her because you want to be just like her. She can’t wait to start “helping.”

Call it the clash of the fantasy lives. The result: Women use words like “strained,” “infuriating” and “simply awful” to describe their mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.

It’s the disappointment felt by both women that “gives these relationships their distinctive negative charge,”. End result so many “Saas Bahu” daily soaps, earning their TRPs.

Well I will share my story.. Certainly not the so difficult one because we have some unsaid rules that makes it successful.

Phew! I’m a hardcore North Indian married into a South Indian family. Of course it’s a love marriage. Marriage word doesn’t comes alone it has so many things in its fold, like responsibilities, binding, understanding and the most important things that’s the root cause of all the things is the “Expectations”.

Expectations –  Daughter in law that she will be like, “Aanadi of Daily soap, Balika Vadhu”. Mother in law will be like your own mom. Who told you it’s going to be the same? Who told mother in law since you have done so much for your mother in law, your daughter in law will have to reciprocate the same? Same question I have for daughter in law, how is she expecting that her in- laws will accept her tantrums that she use to throw on her mom and dad?

It’s an equation. It has to be balanced both ways. And catalyst named husband/son has to be always there. I’m feeling so glad, “aaj meri chemistry ki degree kam aa gayi”.. ha ha ha..

Anyhow from here I begin:

Rule No 1. My MIL never criticizes me. Remember the old age, “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all?”

Well, my MIL never forced me or criticized me for getting up late in the morning. I’m not a morning person unlike the Dravidians who believe in early rising, taking shower, worshipping doing rangoli thing. Never ever complained even about my cooking (I’m an awesome cook) so I’m honestly bailed out here. The way I dress up and so many things, I seriously dress up like a daily soap bahu… all set with my mascara and nicely tied attire. I think she loves it. It has been 9 years now and I’m living in that dilemma. Ha ha ha..

Rule No 2. No advice to each other. Score (0-0), Assuming your daughter-in-law wants your advice. Most don’t want to hear. Mother in law saying “This is what I did so, this is what you should do.” doesn’t work out this way.

Nor do my MIL & I, play this hide and seek of disguising advice in questions.“Don’t you think you should put your child to bed earlier?”  or “Are you sure you should be spending money on THAT right now?” or “Do you really think this is the best option?”

Rule No 3. My MIL has never made me felt that I’m not important thought my hubby sometimes does make me feel that way… You know how these men are?

Well for all those nagging MIL, thinking the mother-son relationship will not change after his marriage and demanding to be the most important woman in his life. It’s not a competition, but a bad mother-in-law can make it feel like one. Your daughter-in-law should rightfully be the most important woman in your son’s life. It won’t lessen his love for you when he gets married, but it will make things difficult if you are always trying to compete for his time, attention, or love.

Rule No 4 – Acting like your child is a saint. Believe it or not, your son or daughter is not perfect. They aren’t always right either. Please stop acting like they know everything and can do no wrong. When you do this, it makes your daughter-in-law feel like she doesn’t measure up and isn’t good enough for your son.

Think my daughter-in-law is perfect. This might be even worse than thinking my son is perfect, because it sets the stage for bitter disappointment once the poor daughter-in-law slips up and reveals her humanity.

Rule No 5– I guess the most important.. Giving space.. Handling with patience..  It’s not necessary to be interfering all the time. There is always an option for MIL to be just a silent observer.My MIL have been kind enough  for not forcing things on me and not try to see her replica in me and manners of conduct.

Of course going through the article you must be feeling … ki iski toh MIL  hi achi hai.. Nothing much she has to do.. But this isn’t that simple, as it seems..I told you its an equation. I  also follow few rules to make this relationship balanced and less complicated….for that you will have to keep reading next post in queue, Recipe to mother-in-laws’s Heart….

 

OMG! Parents..

Gone are the days when parenting used to be just about giving education and food for kids. Today we as parents want the best of the education, healthy food, best activities and best of bla bla bla..

 In return we are ending up cribbing, OMG my child is doing this, OMG my child didn’t do that, OMG bla bla bla etc, etc and finally becoming as I term it OMG Parents! or more popularly known as highly sensitive parents.

 I remember my elder sister telling me to cover knees and legs of my toddler when she started crawling and I use to keep telling her, “stop kijiye, usey naturally grow hone dijiye, chot lagegi tabhi jaldi sikhegi”. Though my eye was always observing what she wants to do, pick , throw or eat.

I personally thank my parents for making me an independent individual because the biggest thing that they gave me apart from the necessary things is freedom to think, speak and act. 

Every parent is concerned about their kid however over shadowing them all the time hinders their growth mentally, which in turn effects their thinking and decision making abilities.

 Personally I believe that let them be independent, at an early stage. Let them start thinking and take decisions for themselves.

 Mere presence of parents for them is the assurance as well as protection that they need from parents. Falling and getting little bruises is a part of growing, learning and creating memories.

Recently I met a friend of mine in a park who was talking to me but at the same time constantly keeping a check on her 7 year old kid. I mean, she was continuously instructing her kid not to play in sand, not to get dirty, not to get hurt, don’t go here and there.. I mean too many No’s and absolutely no encouragement.. Is it right? Isn’t she as a parent hampering the confidence of her child? I’m no ways saying that  we should not say ‘No’ to our kids or she is not a good mother . However there is a different article all together on  ” Saying ‘No’ to your kids in the right manner”.

Once we are a mother the most precious thing to us is our child, I too panic  when situation calls for but there are many parents who want to protect their kid when there is no harm around. Just a food for thought. Why can’t we say,”it’s OK dear, you do whatever you want to do, I’m there for you”.

 Another incidence was when I was packing my stuff for visiting my in laws, when my domestic help said, “pack this jam for Vaidehi, she might not eat without this. I told her I don’t want to make her so fussy that for couple of days she can’t adjust. “ Insaan ka bacha hai ,bhuk lagegi toh khud mangegi ”.

 Another thing that I haven’t done is comparing my child to any other. Every child is different with different interest and grasping power. I don’t even ask her class teacher what is the rank of my child in class? All I’m satisfied, if  she does her homework in time and writes in her answer scripts. I seriously don’t want her to be part of this rat race since her childhood. I want her to be happy. I was telling my friend Kamna, “ kyon itna mar mar kar padana hai aur uski aur apni expectations badate rehna hai, let her enjoy her childhood”.

 I’m sure many of the readers may not agree with me but I feel the best way for them to learn is,let them free….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Depression.. now I’m not afraid of you…

Post partum depression (PPD), also called as post natal depression or depression after giving birth to a child. What is it? Does it really exist? If I tell this to my mom she will say, “depression ka toh pata nahi but for sure you have lost it”. We are so unaware of the fact that this kind of depression does exist, so forget how to battle it out.

Postpartum depression can begin anytime within the first year after childbirth. Symptoms may include sadness, low energy, and change in sleeping and eating pattern, reduced desire for sex, crying episodes, anxiety and irritability. You don’t feel bonded to the baby. You‘re not having that mythical mommy bliss that you see on TV or read about in magazines. Not everyone with PPD feels this way, but many do.

You know something is wrong .You may not know you have a prenatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you’ve” gone crazy”. You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away. But don’t worry everything is going to be alright with Doctor’s advice, your best friend, and where is he gone?  Your better half…

At the same time you should know the difference between Post partum Depression and Post partum Anxiety or OCD, if you have a baby within the last 12 months and if  you are having these symptoms then its post partum anxiety, so  do not shy away to ask for help. . Sometimes the risk is much greater when we do not act.”

In Post Partum Anxiety  your thoughts are racing; you can’t settle down or relax. You feel like you have to be doing something at all times. Cleaning baby bottles, baby clothes, cleaning the house, doing work. You are always worried. Am I doing this right? Will my husband come home from his office? Will the baby wake up?  Is the baby breathing? Is the baby eating enough? Is there something wrong with my baby that I’ missing”? No matter what anyone says to reassure you, it doesn’t help. You get disturbing scary thoughts. These thoughts may start with the word “What if…..”

Once the problem is recognized half the battle is won. You need to seek a trained professional to tell you whether you simply have the baby blues or something more. And for goodness sake, if you’re taking medication, you don’t get to decide to stop it cold turkey or reduce the dose without discussing it with your doctor first. Doing that to yourself could do more harm than good.

Once I delivered my baby, I could not understand that and after delivering our much awaited baby within few months I was kind of depressed, had symptoms of PPD.  I was on a break from my hectic job. Which I loved, but soon I badly wanted to be back to work. grown oversize, so many hormonal changes going on inside your body, I started feeling I’m not beautiful any more. Reduced, rather no desire for sex.  I was struggling with all of it.

There came in my Better half, who is generally required when some bad examples are to be quoted but this time for a change some good example. Though my case was not that extreme that I needed medication, but certainly some help was required for reassuring me, to handle me with love, care and patience which my hubby did.

My friend Kamna also played an important role. We use to chat daily. She uses to ask me things and a frank chat between us, let me vent out with whatever I was filled up with. I knew it ,she not judging me for anything.

My sister Divya,was there for me, who use to take care of baby, and let me, sleep.  Chat with me, share the load of night shifts and when the baby pooped.

My maid was an angel, who assured me that I can go for meditation and Yoga while she will take care of my child.

And let me admit this shopping therapy did help me, I guess more than those spa’s.

My hubby planned vacations a little more frequent so that it’s a break for me from the routine. We were travelling with our less than one year old kid. Though her bag was bigger than ours but then it was fun.

Thanks Lakshman, Divya, Kamna,Aama for helping me out and understanding me when I myself was not. 

I hope this post help all the ladies and more over their life partners, to at least come in terms with the fact that pregnancy blues and postpartum depression kind of things also exist.

 

 

Yes I’m a female…and a human too….

It is not an easy road to be a female. It is a formidable task as the society took generations to be the way it is. And still it has not been able to alter its judgmental temperament. If you are single female, more than your parents your so called near and dear ones & relatives will  haunt you by queries as to when do you plan to attain the ‘matrimonial bliss’. Once you are married they want to know if there is a ‘bun in the oven’ as yet. If you have a baby, then you are a vile and selfish parent if you do not intend to get a sibling for your off spring. “Jise aap vese hi badi mushkil se paal pose kar bada kar rahe ho”.

If you are married don’t think you have been saved from the agony and pangs. There is a universally laid out path, which if tread, will lead you to ‘being settled’ and probably fulfill the very purpose of your existence. Get married, then bear children and eventually sacrifice your  career goals to be the epitome of sacrifice and be a devoted mother, a perfect home maker, a good daughter in law, in case Career is still  left ,be perfect at your workplace. “Boss ek dusari tarah ki Saas hoti hai”.

­­So, the expectations keep soaring and it is exhausting to keep pace with them. Expectations like perfect homemaker were passed on to her from our patriarchal society. . Some expectations like being a good mother were her own. She felt that, that was her prime responsibility. To look after the house it’s her responsibility. To cook of course it’s her. Laundry, why even I’m asking it? Of course it’s her, her & her. But did anyone tell her that this is an expectation from a father and a husband too… that she could ask him to help her. This is a story of lot of women in our society; they get tired and age faster than they should. .

Today many men want their partners to be working as it helps to improve their living standards and also to ease their own burden of earning for the entire family. When with these additional roles, we are changing the expectation from women, why not expect the same from men too?

Why as a wife I’m expected  to be a perfect mother, perfect home maker, cook the best meal, go for children PTM, come back home on time from work, have good career, maintain  figure and do conscious grooming of kids, make their children do homework and the list is endless. Has anyone ever realised how much pressure a woman feels?

So many issues of women juggling with multiple roles are leading her to  stress & anxiety, inability to sleep properly, constant complaint of fatigue and tiredness. How can I forget timeless famous one headache? Lack of interest in sex.

Simple solution to this is, hire a “full time life line”, I mean maid. However, this will just reduce her work, not mental stress. So have realistic expectations from yourself. After all you are even human being. Seek help from family and spouse: It’s ok to ask your spouse to help. Make your husband your best friend. Don’t be afraid to set your expectations from your family. Let the family share your burden including your child. Don’t feel embarrassed to admit the thing that you can’t do.

Let’s take the first step towards being Female and human too…

 

 

 

 

Home Remedies..Going Organic..

The purpose of this post is to get these remedies written recorded. Remedies  passed from one generations to next ,from Grand mothers to Mothers, to their daughters. Few quick  and handy ones are here.

       

ASTHMA SYRUP- (Get rid of asthma and bed cough)

Ingredients:

1. Four cloves (crushed)
2. Two black pepper (crushed)
3. Two pinches turmeric powder.
4. Little ginger taste.
5. Sugar for taste.

METHOD: All the above ingredients mixed in two glasses milk and boil it to half (one glass) on low flame(Approx. 40 minutes) filter and drink when cooled. Repeat the process on 3^RD   5^TH    7^TH 9^TH AND   11^TH Day.For children below 7 years use half the quantity.

 

LIVER TONIC

Liver become weak after jaundice, typhoid, and chronic diseases and with intake of strong medicines. The liver also gets inflamed due to intake of excess alcohol and other addictions, resulting swelling and pain.

To increase strength of liver, take quarter spoon (two pinches) of liver tonic mixture and boil in 100 ml of water for two minutes, cool and filter. Add sugar (optional) for taste and drink after breakfast. Take once a day for 90 days. No alcohol during the course.

 

 

MIGRAINE 

 

Symptoms include throbbing pain on both sides of the head. Plus nausea, vomiting dizziness, light sensitivity or blurry vision, lasting from 30 minutes to three four hours.

LEMON GRASS TEA- INGREDIENTS

1. One dried lemon grass blade (hammered)
2. One green cardamom with husk (crushed)
3. Little ginger paste.

Preparation: Add all the above ingredients to three cups of water and boil it for 3 to 4 minutes, filter and sip it for two to three times a day (sugar optional)continue for 30 to 45 days and get total relief from migraine (continue if required.)

 

 

ANGINA PECTORIS ( Ischemic Chest Pain)

Boil one tea spoon fenugreek in one and half cups of water. Strain and add two spoon of honey. Take twice daily for six months. Continue for six months after a gap of six months i.e. six months a year.

 

LEMON- GRASS OIL

Helps in acne, open pores good tonic for skin improves muscle tone slack tissue an excellent anti-depressant. It fortifies nervous system and relieves stress.

Mix two drops of lemon grass oil over 10/15 drops of almond oil and message the face before going to bed.

 

 

GET RID OF “PSORIASIS”

Mix Neem oil, Cade oil and lavender oil in equal quantities and apply (gently massage) on affected skin once a day for six months. Continue if required.

 

 

WEIGHT REDUCTION -“Why shouldn’t you worry about gaining a few extra pounds? Fat people are harder to kidnap”. Still if you are taking that risk of going slim here is the remedy.

Still motivated to shed some extra pounds…

BOTANICAL NAMES OF HERBS

HERB                                                   BOTANICAL NAME                             PART USED

Gulvel                                                  Tinospora Cordifolia                           Stem

Gudmar                                               Gymnema Sylvester                            Leaves

Vijaysar                                               Pterocarpus Marsupium                     Bark

Jamun                                                  Eugenia Jambolana                             Seed

Nagarmotha                                        Cyperus Rotundus                              Roots

Vavding                                               Embelia Ribes                                         Fruits

INSTRUCTION- Take half spoon of slimming powder in a glass pour (boiled and cooled).Water in a glass, mix well keep covered over night. After breakfast stir well and drink. Avoid coco products.

 

 

ALLERGIES

Lime is an effective remedy for any type of allergy. Take half a lime juice with a spoonful of honey in a glass of lukewarm water. First thing in the morning for three (3) months and get rid of all types of Allergies.

 

DEPRESSION

Powder seeds of Cardamom can be boiled in water with tea and taken to remedy mental depression.

 

 

DIABETES

Eating five (5) curry leaves every morning for three months is said to prevent diabetes due to hereditary  factors.

 

TULSI OIL (SWEET BASIL)

 

Cardiac pain, bed cold influenza, low blood pressure:Two drops of tulsi oil mixed with one tsp of pure honey once a day for 30 days.Twice or thrice a week for 6 months.

 

UNPLEASANT BODY ODOUR

One drop of Tulsi oil in one tea cup of water and drink every  morning for 30 days. (avoid meat and foods rich in protein)

 

 

ECZEMA

It can be cured. Mix equal quantity neem  oil and cade oil and apply on affected skin in the morning and only neem oil In the evening for 3 months. Continue if required.

 

HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE

Mix one tsp cumin seeds powder in two tea spoons of coconut oil or plain water and milk. Drink the mixture every morning for fifteen days. Two time a week for next three months.

 

ABDOMINAL PAIN (Cramps)

A pinch of turmeric powder to be mixed in one tsp of pure honey and drink two time a day for three to four days.

 

Some more remedies that I will keep sharing till then try out these ones.

 

 

Single Parenting

Parenting- almost all alone…

I happily left my dream job, for the better nurturing of my child. I thought now finally after four years of married life, we will get a chance to stay together and “play ghar-ghar”. Where did I know what is coming my way. My dear husband got selected for UN mission. In normal circumstances you ‘feel over the moon’ about such news. But in my case ‘I fell from the moon’. How..? I was left to do ‘Single Parenting’ (though it doesn’t fit the classical definition of single parenting).

Please… it’s not a tragic story, though I may be sounding melodramatic.

Well my doll was just one year old when my hubby left for UN. I was ‘happy-sad’, but busy with motherhood. This phase still didn’t trouble me much, since I was gradually discovering how to make things work.

Soon I realized the most difficult task in the world is being a mother. How many times I remembered my mother during these times I seriously don’t remember, but I started respecting her multi folds, raise to the power of infinity!!! That’s all I can say. My Mom had to look after four of us (me and my siblings), her office work and a spoilt son of her mother-in-law as well…Phew…!!!!!!! How did she manage all this?

I thought I have to do it, but in my ways …let my child be not a hurdle anywhere rather a companion and a friend. I will just not speak anything about the negatives of single parenting. I will share the positives of being a single parent. I share a strong mother child bonding with my daughter, I have nurtured her with the thought that we both are best friends and we need to discuss so many things daily like what happens in school, what her friends had to say. Even when she was just a toddler I use to keep speaking to her.

I’m making her aware about importance of community. Let it be my domestic help, my Gardner, laundry person, her school teacher, and her class mates.  I want her to mingle around with everyone and not hinder her growing years, for her understanding and interpreting things in her own way.

I let her share the responsibilities with me, it may be as simple as helping me lay the table, or fetching grocery. She even helps me to pair up the right shoes for my attire. She is aware that she needs to keep her books back in the bag, collect her toys and put them back after playing; it would reduce some work for her mom.

I mean it’s amazing to see your little one speaking with so much of maturity and innocence at the same time. I have been trying to teach her since childhood that we should not be wasting food, water and electricity. One day she tells my sister “aapko pata hai mere Appa(Dad) ko itni mehnat karni padi hai tab hum electricity ka bill dete hai, so please don’t waste it”!!

The other day I took a peep in the kitchen to see what does she do with the leftover food, and I was amazed to hear what she said, “sorry food meine aapko waste kiya, per can’t overeat, it’s bad”.

 I felt so happy that I’m able to give her my best. I’m a role model in her life. She aspires to be like me, the way I conduct myself, my habits and of course she wants to join Army like her mother for the time being, till the time she is grown up enough to understand her choice of career and pursue her interest.

In a way I’m able to give her stress free environment, since my dear husband is guarding the borders, we hardly have any quarrels or heated arguments that can be disturbing and have stressful impact on the kid.

But it’s not that simple as it seems to be. In ‘Single parenting’ you have to strike the right balance between your unconditional love and being strict and disciplined. It’s really frustrating sometimes. I have been tackling it with my few ground rules that works for me.

I have set a routine for her, which she has to follow. Just that on Sundays, even I go lazy.

I pamper myself at a spa. It’s a stress buster. But I don’t forget to get her along and let her enjoy in the game zone where she can have a blast while my spa is on. Of course after this we are partners in crime as we go out for shopping.

I have my unconditioned love and positive attention for her. I try and make the best of the time together, doing some activity, puzzle solving, coloring and even sometimes become a patient when she is a doctor.

 I praise her for her good deeds and try and not even pay attention to any tantrum that she throws sometimes to pester me for something. One of the most important thing that I have learned that we need to tell them is “No”. Every wish of theirs’ can’t be fulfilled just because her father is not there to pamper her. Children need to learn this and grow emotionally strong.

Also, one can’t be praising them for everything. If it’s an ugly looking painting that they have painted, then it has to be conveyed to them without discouraging them. They need to learn about failures, if I may call it so, right from the start.

I have almost another one year, before we start our normal family life again. Till then, I’m enjoying parenting all alone. The best part is that my four year old daughter is now my best friend too.

 

Almost there…while creating a life

Second Trimester
Eat healthy, whatever you feel like. Don’t keep yourself wanting for food, it may drool the child once born.(esa maine sunna tha…per why take a chance). I’m not asking to get moon, just get me dragon fruit, capers, avocados, Haagen Dazs Belgian chocolate ice-cream.he he he…
By the mid of 2nd trimester in fact in 18-19th week a scan is done called Anomaly Scan. It’s a must do. It tells if the child is normal in growth or not .Do not delay and let it not pass to 20th week. Tell your doctor to call your hubby inside & let him see the first glimpse of his drawing on the screen. Doctor will be able to show the foetus limbs, though you are hardly able to make out anything still it’s a moment to be lived together. Take a copy of the scan & paste it in your personal file. Excuse me , pehle doctor ko toh dikha dena. This scan also gives you a more accurate date of child’s birth.
Please see to it that you are wearing loose clothes, keeping happy, keeping yourself busy, reading good books, not watching horror movies or Mahabharata (esa log kehte hai, why to take a chance, math karna tum bhi…)
Select a song that can be made a lullaby once the child is born and it should be heard most of the times in the day as your alarm, your ringtone and especially while sleeping. It was handy for my daughter Vaidehi. I had kanda shrasthi, its devotional song of 20 minutes and believe you me she actually recognizes that song and sleeps also, at least 7 times out of 10 what more you want.
Your choice of food may change drastically, keep a tag of it because these may be the liking of your child. I liked weird stuff which I didn’t liked otherwise like Guava, South Indian food………. ufffffffffff……….all my North Indian genes were suppressed by my South Indian Husband.(No joke seriously..ha ha ha…)
Must eat Pomegranates, Apples, Beetroot, Carrots, and Salads… (Proper salads not that ki salad mein maine aaj cucumber khaya) Coconut water, Milk twice and ghee only in chapattis.
Now the most beautiful thing is going to happen, one fine day you will start feeling something rolling inside your stomach. It’s nothing but first movements of your child. You will go mad as you feel a little tickle and will feel over the moon. As of now only u can feel the movements. From 5th month on wards try and go for small walks after meals. Keep working to stay active and healthy. It helps a lot.
Maintain your pregnancy chart, there should be gain in weight every time you go for checkups. By now as prescribed by doctor you should start calcium and iron tablets even. No other medicine for anything so this is the time you can be little relaxed and even get little naughty but to your convenience.

Third trimester:

By now you would start taking shape of a cute little pumpkin. In 7th month an important scan is there it’s a must do. It tells you the ETA(estimate time of arrival) of your little one, position of child, its weight, its sex. You can ask everything from the Dr except the sex determination, since it will not be a very pleasant to see you waving to your child from behind the bars. So let the curiosity be maintained for the ‘D’ day.                                         37th week is the internal checkup for the lady in which gynecologist examines the patient if her uterus is opening up for birth. This is the first time you actually feel you are about to deliver.
Keep monitoring your blood pressure, it should not shoot up. Now is the time once you are in 8th month that you can have loads of ghee & rich food as in dry fruits, shrikhand and what all you like.                                                                                                                                     Gaining weight is not a problem in pregnancy but then your feet starts swelling up making movements difficult, dip your feet in Luke warm water with salt in it, keep legs in resting position rather hanging. Get a pair of new dress stitched do not try to fit in your old clothes, it may irritate you. Wear loose comfortable slippers. Take adequate rest.                  Talk to your child in the womb he /she can hear you recognize your voice and your touch. Involve your hubby in the activity. Fathers don’t feel father till the time child is not born. Once the child is born then you become like a second grade citizen to him and you have to remind him main abhi yahi hoon…
As your pregnancy progresses keep your fingers crossed child should not get born in 8th month simply because growth is still left. Once 8th month is over, start preparing your maternity bag for hospital.
In which u will require your 2 maternity gown, sweater, socks, shawal, cap, slippers, sanitary things, and cotton handkerchiefs. After the delivery cover yourself well do not have cold water after delivery. You will feel very thirsty.
Before delivery get yourself shaved off, trim your nails ,get a nice facial done, get haircut done in a manageable pony because after delivery for first three months forget everything in fact get ready for sleepless nights.
For baby: cotton nappy, warm clothes, sweater, cap, vest is a must, blanket, wet baby wipes, wrapping cloth only cotton. Remember you have give baby the same amount of warmth that it was getting in your womb.
Note please do not shop lot of zero size clothes, it hardly comes handy for one or two month.
Do not make the child wear diapers before 3 months, along with diapers don’t for get to buy diaper rash cream .As of now Huggies is one of the best diaper.( since it’s the Indian version, not applicable to friends delivering abroad.)

After delivery:
Must follow – Once you are out of delivery room first thing to do is give your first milk to the child, it doesn’t come on its own you have to press the nipple and feed it into the child’s mouth since the child is equally clueless. Time and again child is to be fed in 2 hrs gap. Make sure the child passes urine on the same very day if not tell the doctor.
Now let me give you some nanni maa’s advices which is all up to you to follow or not .Eat daliya (porridge) on the first day. Have boiled ajawain water for first 40 day. You will not feel hungry but feed yourself well to recoup yourself as well as to feed your little one, and please for heaven sake if the doctor doesn’t gives you some ointment for your stitches buy it from outside.. First 40 days just use warm water for hand washing, PP but for bathing only cold water…… ha ha ha…….. OK seriously water should be hot and do not add cold water to hot water (sharir mein bai beith jayegi). Who is this Bai by the way………???
Oil your head with Nanni maa’s secret recipe  mustard oil(boil one complete bulb of garlic peeled off,one spoon ajawain(Ajowan caraway) in mustard oil (1 litre),keep boiling it on low flames and once cooled down store it for head massage and body massage).
Do not sit for long to entertain visitors,speak less, watch television is not advisable. Tie your stomach with a cotton ready made belt or a cotton sari.
You should also have dry fruit soup… (Recipe: soak dryfruits over night approx 15 almonds, 3 chuwarra( dry dates),magaj,10 Raisin,5 Cashew Nut. Grind them next morning add one spoon ghee to the cauldron,add zeera(cumin seeds) and add this paste ,to make it liquid add milk & sugar if required. serve it hot.)
Have panjari as and when you feel(Recipe: Roast all the dry fruits in ghee(mkhaney,almonds,cashew nut) raisins not to b fried.Fry small quantity of goond, and kamarkus separately, n grind them in mixer separately.Fry required quantity of aata(wheat flour) in small quantity of ghee let it fry golden brown.Add sounth, i.e dry ginger powdered in small qty.
Prepare a sugar syrup just upto its starts giving doo taar. Take a big utensil & add all the ingredients mentioned above.( kumarkus and dry ginger in small qty ). Keep adding sugar syrup to it then take Thali(Flat plates) spread it . Level it to some thickness so that it’s easy for cutting. this has to be done when everything is hot. Once you have spread the mix on thali let it cool down till 6-7 hrs n then cut it in desirable sizes n store it in container but not in fridge. Further if any doubt is there inbox me.
Now you have to make it a routine that you have powdered sounth & ajwain(Ajowan caraway)daily twice with warm water.
Fry almonds n makhane in ghee add salt to taste, keep having them at least for first forty days… Later on I will tell you GM diet, jokes apart….. You have to recope your body and feed little one so take care of your health.
Have moong dal with zeera and ghee…….. Try and manage homemade ghee….
Have Vermicelli salted or sweet but keep having something…..
That’s all  I can tell you as of now…….Good luck n enjoy your sleepless nights..
May god bless you with a healthy normal child…
If you follow my tips the end result is shown in the pictures below……
Love loads
Maggie…

While creating a life..

                                    GOD COULD NOT BE EVERYWHERE SO HE MADE MOTHERS 

 Welcome to the mothers’ fraternity….. The fun is yet to begin…….

These are no thumb rules, these are just my experiences while creating a life….

Firstly, be mentally prepared that you want to plan a family; gone are the days when ‘bacchey ho jaatey tey’…….

Your body should be in a healthy state, so stay fit and eat healthy…

Secondly, the child should be the outcome of your love and not an obligation to fulfill . Don’t get depressed or take any tension & don’t get irritated with hubby (Yeh ‘species’ hai hee idiotic!!), as it may affect your chances of conceiving.

Lastly the most important one, don’t panic or get depressed if the result is not positive in the first attempt. After all u are creating life n not egg scrambles…… ki bus ek hi baari mein ban jayenge….

Monitor your cycles, if required have folic acid tablets, still getting concerned toh get i-pill test kit to know your fertility days. If still feeling worried, then you are mad……..

First trimester once you have conceived:

For the first time when you miss your period, do a test after one week of the missed date by home pregnancy kit…….. Before you announce this news that you have conceived a cub, please go and get a urine test done with a doctor and let him confirm for you……. And then as breaking news tell it to your husband……

By this time you are already in your second month. You have to be little more careful for the first four months. Dr says 3 but since it’s my tips so its 4!…okay now let me start my briefing. As soon as you come to know that you are pregnant, first thing you do is to thank  God & your hubby for blessing you this happiness & then tell only to the near & dear ones whom u cannot avoid.

You may now start having lot of laziness in you……. pamper yourself….. sleep well even if you want to sleep for eight hrs in the day & eight hrs in the night!!…. just go ahead…… take lot of rest n take break from work… by now your morning sickness would also start & if you are  lucky it might not ….

You will start puking but you have to have your three meals compulsorily, since fetus is like a parasite( of course i know that it’s not the most appropriate word here!!)  who feeds on to u.

Necessary to follow:

Milk, coconut water, fruits, eggs and anything that u r feeling that you  are eating and digesting well and not throwing up. Remember you are not sick or ill, its just few major changes that’s going on inside your body which are giving you all the mood swings,laziness,puking,aches and pains.. etc .. etc…

Worship God daily – it’s a must.

Don’t eat or drink….

…spicy food, junk food, tea, aerated drinks,  hard drinks, dry fruits and no cigarettes….Don’t means don’t……..

In first four months you might  lose some weight. Nothing to worry, all you have to do is avoid doing any kind of exercise, wear loose airy cotton clothes, take complete rest, avoid falling, avoid lifting any heavy item and take folic acid tablet as prescribed by the doctor.

Mornings will be difficult from getting up to brushing…. be lazy….. Even if you want to be very active, “toh bhi  vo furti nahi aati iss waqt’……. Aaah I’m so tired….well  try it yourself.  Once you brush you will start feeling puckish empty stomach……… so avoid using brush. Use finger for first four months…… don’t even think of kissing your hubby…… he may die of bad breath…… ha ha ha….. and now you are about to become the fart queen…… You will have lot of gas problem at this stage, but that’s normal… it happens to all. No need to take any medicine….. bus mehka do saare ghar ko….. ha ha ha..

Eat your breakfast…. you will not feel like eating much. So space out your meals…… eat at regular intervals……..but don’t forget  milk….. chaloooooooo   piyooooooooooooooo…. ese banogi mummy…

Free advises will start pouring from everywhere. Don’t listen to all & start experimenting …… Everybody is different & react differently to the changes happening inside you…. But don’t experiment with your child on crucial aspects. Only refer to good books or your mother and finally  ‘mein toh tips dey hi rahi hoon’……….he he he……

If you find something grossly wrong (bleeding, dehydrated) then only contact your doctor otherwise just chill…

Now a very important thing that you have to do is make a list of all the things you were wishing to buy…… & give it to your hubby & tell him that doctor said….’I have to be kept happy so as to keep the growing fetus happy…… since mother & child are connected’.

Go for your monthly checkup & visit only one doctor regularly. Post first trimester, u will be little  relaxed and u will start enjoying; I mean by eating ,going out but no late night parties since you need rest as well…….. You can go driving from your 2nd trimester onward.

Once you are in fourth month, start eating a little extra for your little one. In morning have almonds soaked over night in water  & milk with few strands of ‘kesar’.  But don’t try this before second trimester. In ur search for ‘Kesar’, please don’t get whole of Kashmir dug out… just take from some authentic shop…. Eat healthy & rich food..

An important scan is done at the end of third trimester. Do not miss it, it would give your approximate due date.

Second trimester…….to be continued in my next post….  till then celebrate womanhood……