Dear Depression.. now I’m not afraid of you…

Post partum depression (PPD), also called as post natal depression or depression after giving birth to a child. What is it? Does it really exist? If I tell this to my mom she will say, “depression ka toh pata nahi but for sure you have lost it”. We are so unaware of the fact that this kind of depression does exist, so forget how to battle it out.

Postpartum depression can begin anytime within the first year after childbirth. Symptoms may include sadness, low energy, and change in sleeping and eating pattern, reduced desire for sex, crying episodes, anxiety and irritability. You don’t feel bonded to the baby. You‘re not having that mythical mommy bliss that you see on TV or read about in magazines. Not everyone with PPD feels this way, but many do.

You know something is wrong .You may not know you have a prenatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you’ve” gone crazy”. You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away. But don’t worry everything is going to be alright with Doctor’s advice, your best friend, and where is he gone?  Your better half…

At the same time you should know the difference between Post partum Depression and Post partum Anxiety or OCD, if you have a baby within the last 12 months and if  you are having these symptoms then its post partum anxiety, so  do not shy away to ask for help. . Sometimes the risk is much greater when we do not act.”

In Post Partum Anxiety  your thoughts are racing; you can’t settle down or relax. You feel like you have to be doing something at all times. Cleaning baby bottles, baby clothes, cleaning the house, doing work. You are always worried. Am I doing this right? Will my husband come home from his office? Will the baby wake up?  Is the baby breathing? Is the baby eating enough? Is there something wrong with my baby that I’ missing”? No matter what anyone says to reassure you, it doesn’t help. You get disturbing scary thoughts. These thoughts may start with the word “What if…..”

Once the problem is recognized half the battle is won. You need to seek a trained professional to tell you whether you simply have the baby blues or something more. And for goodness sake, if you’re taking medication, you don’t get to decide to stop it cold turkey or reduce the dose without discussing it with your doctor first. Doing that to yourself could do more harm than good.

Once I delivered my baby, I could not understand that and after delivering our much awaited baby within few months I was kind of depressed, had symptoms of PPD.  I was on a break from my hectic job. Which I loved, but soon I badly wanted to be back to work. grown oversize, so many hormonal changes going on inside your body, I started feeling I’m not beautiful any more. Reduced, rather no desire for sex.  I was struggling with all of it.

There came in my Better half, who is generally required when some bad examples are to be quoted but this time for a change some good example. Though my case was not that extreme that I needed medication, but certainly some help was required for reassuring me, to handle me with love, care and patience which my hubby did.

My friend Kamna also played an important role. We use to chat daily. She uses to ask me things and a frank chat between us, let me vent out with whatever I was filled up with. I knew it ,she not judging me for anything.

My sister Divya,was there for me, who use to take care of baby, and let me, sleep.  Chat with me, share the load of night shifts and when the baby pooped.

My maid was an angel, who assured me that I can go for meditation and Yoga while she will take care of my child.

And let me admit this shopping therapy did help me, I guess more than those spa’s.

My hubby planned vacations a little more frequent so that it’s a break for me from the routine. We were travelling with our less than one year old kid. Though her bag was bigger than ours but then it was fun.

Thanks Lakshman, Divya, Kamna,Aama for helping me out and understanding me when I myself was not. 

I hope this post help all the ladies and more over their life partners, to at least come in terms with the fact that pregnancy blues and postpartum depression kind of things also exist.